"Good morning, this is your flight crew. We're expecting a smooth and beautimous (sic) flight to Dallas Fort Worth where the weather today is just ducky! If you're seated beside the pool … with a frosty beverage. Due to strong tail winds and superior piloting skills, we're scheduled for an early arrival."If it weren't for the fact that the oxygen level in the plane was way too low, it would have been an even more enjoyable flight. As it was, that rather put a crimp in our enjoyment of the flight.
"Our first class flight attendant ... Bubbles."
(Note: Not her real name. Hopefully they're friends and she doesn't mind!)
"I'd like to ask that Bubbles please secure the cabin for take-off."
"Once I turn off the 'fasten seat belts' sign, you will be free to wander, aimlessly, around the cabin."
"It's a beautimous (sic) day for flying, we're almost at our incredibly high cruising altitude of 28,000 feet and, as previously mentioned, the weather in Dallas Fort Worth is just ducky and we're making ludicrous speed."
"The good news is that due to superior piloting skills we're almost an hour early. The bad news is that being so early we have to wait for the ground crew to amble back from the break room."